For 24 years, Dr Becky Baines has supported patients and families through some of the most difficult moments of their lives. As a Hospiscare consultant, she knows how important it is to listen, to reassure and to be there when families need support most.
But when her own dad became ill, Dr Becky found herself on the other side of that experience. Suddenly, she wasn’t a doctor – she was a daughter – and, for the first time she experienced Hospiscare’s care through the eyes of a family.
This is Dr Becky’s story.
“It was such an amazing privilege to be on the receiving end of that care, and to know what it really feels like,” Becky said.
“I think it’s probably made me a better doctor, and a better support to patients and families who are going through this now. I hope it has, because it’s really difficult when you lose a loved one, and the grief is real.”
Becky’s dad was diagnosed with lymphoma in 2019 and underwent chemotherapy. Sadly, in early 2024, the lymphoma returned.
As his health declined, Becky knew she wanted Hospiscare to be involved in his care.
“I very quickly asked for Hospiscare to be involved. We talked through how we’d try to take Dad home for the final days to weeks of his life and put plans in place.
“Although I have these conversations with people all the time, it’s really difficult when it’s your own dad that’s involved.”
Becky’s dad spent a week on Hospiscare’s specialist ward before the family were able to take him home.
“The ambulance crew came to pick him up, and we had bags of gear to take, all the drugs and equipment we needed, and some care set up. The team came to visit us on the day of his discharge, and we got everything sorted.”
The following day, the family received a visit from one of Hospiscare’s senior community nurses, Rachel Hall.
“We had the most incredible visit from wonderful Rachel. She was just amazing.
“I’ve done joint visits with Rachel to other patients, but I was bowled over by what it felt like to be on the receiving end of her care – and the care that everyone gave us. It was just remarkable.”
When Becky’s dad became less well over a bank holiday weekend, the family knew support was only ever a phone call away.
The Hospiscare team provided constant support, helping the family to feel reassured and supported through those final days.
Becky’s dad died peacefully at home, surrounded by the people who loved him, with one of his favourite TV programmes, The Piano, playing in the background.
Support after saying goodbye
After her dad died, Becky also experienced another side of Hospiscare’s support.
As she prepared to return to work, she was concerned about how she would manage her own grief while continuing to support other people through theirs.
“I was concerned about how I would cope with coming back to work, having my own grief to deal with at the same time as lots of other people’s grief.”
Becky spoke to Lucyann Ashdown, Hospiscare’s Spiritual Care Lead, the day before her dad’s funeral.
“We had a chat which really helped me understand that it was okay to feel so all at sea.
“I’d thought, ‘I should be able to do this because it’s my job’, but actually she helped me separate ‘daughter me’ and ‘sister me’ from ‘work me’, and that was really helpful.”
Remembering the good times
Two years on, Becky says her family is still learning to live with the loss of her dad.
“It’s not just an emotional loss. There’s a physical loss as well, and it feels really hard. But I guess it’s also helpful to know that it does get better over time.
“We still cry when we’re talking about Dad occasionally, but it gets easier and easier to remember the good, fun times without feeling sad, and to look at photographs and remember the good times we all had together as a family.
“He was a really wonderful man, so it’s a privilege to share a little about his final weeks.”
For Becky, experiencing Hospiscare’s care as both a doctor and a daughter has given her a deeply personal understanding of what that support can mean.
At a time when everything can feel uncertain and overwhelming, having someone there to guide, reassure and care for you can make all the difference.
And, for Becky and her family, it meant that her dad was able to spend his final days where he wanted to be – at home, surrounded by love.
