My name is Mary, and I’ve been a proud Hospiscare volunteer since the charity first began over 40 years ago. It’s always been a big part of my life and it became an even bigger part when my darling husband, Trevor, became unwell and passed away on Boxing Day last year. Hospiscare gave my family and I the greatest gift at Christmas – one last chance to be together and now we’re giving back.
A life filled with music, food and family
Trevor was a passionate musician and a talented theatre organist whose career took him around the world. But at heart, he was a family man: and when our two children were born, Trevor was happy to trade late-night performances for weekends filled with love and laughter.
Trevor and I helped fundraise for Hospiscare from its very earliest days. Due to my catering background, our fundraising efforts revolved around food, although we both also helped with taking patients to their appointments at the hospice in Exeter, or the hospital. When a campaign started to help fund the first community nurse in our local town of Honiton, our whole family joined in. Over the years, Hospiscare has become part of our extended family.
Mary and Trevor with the Beer wurlitzer
When Trevor became ill
After recovering from a severe illness years earlier, Trevor was later diagnosed with prostate cancer in 2023. Despite everything, he kept his humour, even joking about his treatments. But as complications from his other health conditions grew, our world became a maze of hospital visits and unanswered questions. I became increasingly worried as all our conversations with the medical teams were around how complicated it was for them to manage -the cancer, the diabetes, the stroke – the complexity of all of this was causing confusion and there didn’t seem to be a clear path to get him home to manage it.
I was still doing my usual coffee mornings for Hospiscare during this time and I turned to Angela, the nurse we had raised money for all those years ago. She said ‘How’s Trevor?’ and I said ‘I think we’re in trouble.’ She said ‘Leave it with me, we’ll sort it’. And just like that, the weight lifted.
Trevor and Mary with their grandchildren
Care that changes everything
Hospiscare stepped in and co-ordinated everything: the hospital, GP, oncology team, and home care. For our children especially, who live away, this was a massive relief, as they could now get a quick update from the Hospiscare nurse whereas previously they were taking it turns to travel from across the UK to help me get answers from the different agencies involved.
Our dining room was turned into a bedroom for Trevor, with a hospital bed and it became his peaceful space, surrounded by family, music, and love. We could continue to be hands-on with his care because Hospiscare had taken away the burden of co-ordinating it all.
They are not scared of patients with complex needs, they see it all the time and they can help their colleagues in the NHS to manage the patient’s pain, manage the symptoms that can stop them living life – they can’t add days but they can add life to days.
Trevor did continue to live life and the music continued. He even played Happy Birthday on is beloved piano for our granddaughter just two weeks before he died.
A Christmas to remember
My birthday is on Christmas Day, so it’s always double celebrations in our house. Hospiscare had arranged for all the necessary cover to be in place so our family could rest and enjoy being together. On Christmas Eve, noting the worry on our faces, one of the nurses turned to me and said ‘Mary, Trevor will be the true gentleman right to the end, I don’t think he’ll die on your birthday.’ She was right – I spent my last birthday and Christmas with my love and then on Boxing Day he passed away – peaceful and calm with his family around him, just as he would have wanted.
Mary’s birthday falls on Christmas Day
Please help Hospiscare be there for others
I know there are families this Christmas facing what we did. Hospiscare made the hardest time of our lives bearable, with so much kindness, dignity, and love. Please, if you can, donate to help them be there for others who need that same care and comfort.
We’ll raise a glass of Trevor’s favourite Scotch this Christmas – for him, and for all those being remembered with love.
